Dear Carmen: Dealing with People Who Turn Their Backs on You…

Dear Carmen…

I had a friend who was approached by a former friend (someone I trusted, but was betrayed by, so I’ve removed them from my life a while back) with a lie about me. To my disappointment, she chose to believe the “former friend” instead of talking to and asking me if this was true or not, and shut me out completely.

I know you’ve recently experienced this because you posted about it on your personal FB page. It’s so painful, I keep wanting to contact my friend, but I stop myself. How are you dealing with it?

Shut Out In The Cold 🙁

Dear Shut Out In The Cold…

i-got-your-back_dbackYup… it was difficult for me at first as well. I mean, c’mon now… friends are supposed to at least give you the benefit of a doubt, aren’t they? We all deserve at least that before being thrown out the door.

But as painful and disappointing this experience was, I realized it was a very healthy blessing in disguise.

You see… TRUE BLUE friends know you. They’ll always have your back and will not drop you at the first sign of damaging news – especially if it’s regarding something uncharacteristic of you. If they get hold of sketchy info about you as a person, they will go straight to you so you can take care of it, instead of entertaining the initiator of this “information”.

Step back and look at it this way… the friendship was obviously weak. What FRIEND would do this? Trust, me… 99% sure it would’ve ended sooner or later.

I personally see this as people filtering themselves out. It’s cool, because although I may not feel it at the time, I certainly do not want or need gossipy people like that in my life. Seriously… if someone chooses a liar over you, well then, they chose what best fits their life.

And girl, you are NOT a liar. You don’t belong in that world… nor do their inhabitants belong in yours. Take a good look at everyone who remain at your side… near & far… because they embrace you with the warmest love & respect!

I know it sux at the moment and truly appreciating those who stand strong with you is difficult… because right now, you crave for this particular person’s friendship. And that’s normal.

Wanna know how I bring myself back to the present reality? I think of how sad it would be if my remaining friends (ones the spotlight is not shining on at the moment) faded away too.  Then I call or text them to say “HI” or tell them I appreciate them. Doing this really helps me feel grateful for my peoples. 🙂

Hang in there… you’re far from being alone.


For more of what I WOULD DO in less-than ideal situations, I invite you to browse through my “Dear Carmen:” section… or submit your question to be possibly featured in an upcoming post!


boundaries, self-acceptance, self-respect, self-validation

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