Dear Carmen: When He Stops Texting Back

Dear Carmen,

I’ll get right to the point. My boyfriend takes FOREVER to text back.

I KNOW he has his phone on him, because when we’re together, it’s practically glued to his hand! There are days when we text back and forth for hours within minutes (even seconds!) of each other, but sometimes, I get nothing back at all! I’ve told him this bothers me, but it just keeps happening!

I think that’s rude. What’s the deal?

Sincerely,
Always Left Hanging

Dear Left Hanging…

Have you seen this graphic? I found it on Pinterest…

… ahahaha! 🙂

That said, having had as many years of life experience that I have, I’ve finally come to realize most men are pretty single minded, and are able to only deal with one thing at a time. So if they’re occupied with school, work, grocery shopping, playing a video game, relaxing with a movie, etc., they’ll first finish the task at hand before moving on to something else (like texting).

I mean, I’m a chick and I know there are times I get all “power texting mode” and reply to messages to the point where it’s almost like having a voice convo… up until I get on a conference call with clients (which can last almost half a day) and all texting comes to a complete halt. Or when my son & I begin an anime marathon and I leave my phone in another room until we’re all cartooned out… or when I’m totally food networking it in the kitchen! You get the idea.

Ok, so this is probably the most common reason why your guy doesn’t text back in a timely manner – but this should not happen ALL THE TIME.

However, if it does happen on a regular basis, here are some possible reasons:

• Does this happen mostly during work hours? He’s really busy with work. You don’t want him to get written up or fired, do you?
• Does this happen on days when his kids are visiting (if he’s divorced, etc.)? He’s a responsible & attentive dad, and this is actually a very good sign.
• Does this happen just when you feel you’re opening up more and getting closer? He might be feeling the need for space so he can get his independence back. Give him space – it’s totally normal.
• He left the phone off or in another room. I’ve done this myself, but it can’t be an ongoing thing.
• You’re being needy. He might feel trapped by all the attention you’re requiring from him and need space. Let go for now and get yourself back together… make him feel like you’re a privilege and not an obligation.
• He’s not into you. Get away fast. Have enough respect for yourself to let go of anyone who doesn’t want you.

You mentioned that you told him this bothers you but it just keeps happening. Well, the thing is, you might think you’re calling him out, but all he gets out of it is… “This girl is needy.”

The solution?

Don’t make him the center of your world. Go out and live your life… because honestly, I’m pretty sure even you wouldn’t want someone who has nothing but you going on in their day. Never ever ever wait around for a guy… Your time is valuable and he (and everyone else) better work to get a piece of it.

Let me tell you a quick story…

I used to sit around waiting for text responses too. Especially when we’re planning to get together later that night. And sometimes, the responses stop coming and I’m stuck not knowing if we have a plan for the evening or not… and I end up staying in, upset, and it all turns out super ugly.

But you know what I’ve finally realized? Time stops for no one and I no longer pull the plug on my minutes & hours for anyone – especially someone who can’t appreciate the time I share with him. Now, if I don’t hear back from him in an hour, I brush it off and make other plans. Maybe he got stuck at work… or a family thing suddenly came up. I don’t know, so I try not to take it personally. And I don’t do this to be mean, but to keep living my life… because we can *always* go out another time if we both agree (provided he had a very, very good reason for not getting back with me to finalize our plans… otherwise, no second chances.).

I personally lose interest in poor behavior very quickly… so in the event anyone tries pulling this crap on me (if I constantly find myself feeling like poop because of the “relationship”), I’ve been known to shut that person out and shift my attention to others who actually deserve my time. I’d rather be happily un-attached and emotionally free to enjoy my days, than to feel emotionally drained, losing self respect being with some dude who couldn’t give a flying f*ck about me.

If he doesn’t show he values you and your time and you continue to feel frustrated by his behavior, then forget him. Don’t waste your time & effort on someone who won’t even take a second to reply to your texts knowing it’ll make your heart smile… because isn’t that what people do when they like someone… enjoy making them smile?

For more of what I WOULD DO in less-than ideal situations, I invite you to browse through my “Dear Carmen:” section… or submit your question to be possibly featured in an upcoming post!