It was horrible.
I’m horrible. 😭
But holy freakin fork, it was absolutely horrible.
After being married for so long, and being told by the one I believed was the love of my life that he never really loved me to begin with…
That absolutely shattered my trust … in myself.
How did I NOT see it? Honestly… he literally said he’s hated and resented me even before we met. Like how does that even happen?
Ok, so I get that when a man is having an affair and fighting to leave his old life so he can start a-new, he’ll say pretty much anything to justify why he has to do what he wants to do.
Regardless, I felt I could no longer trust myself when it came to choosing a life partner.
So I went with someone my mother propped up on a pedestal because she adored him THAT much… like, even more than her own kids. 🤣
Oh my lawd…
I just wasn’t attracted to him from the get-go. Nada… zilch. But he HAD to be wonderful, right? I mean, he was always the first “child” mom would call to wish “Happy New Year!” once the clock hit 12.
Still didn’t change the fact that there was no attraction. Physically, emotionally, mentally… nothing. *shudder*
Shoot, I tried everything in my power to convince myself he’s handsome and hot. Ew omg… I couldn’t even lie about it. (I threw up in my mouth typing this)... His personality was… non-existent. Everything was for show... Mentally… just no.
And before y’all come after me with pitchforks and torches, he used me good too. He would make it a point to always mention how it sucks going to family events without a date, and he's happy that now he has one. Yippee!
He wasn’t much to look at but I guess he didn’t think much of me either since he never complimented me – no matter how I glammed up for him. Oh, but he can go on and on, loving himself up in front of the full length mirror…
And when others mentioned how happy I seem to make him, his response was, “She’s not the reason… I’m always happy!”
Are you freakin serious? He would say these things in my FACE like it’s totally OK.
So he lacked everything, yet I wanted it to work out because I thought I could trust my mother.
WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. X 1000000000000!!
You know what you’re supposed to do when you feel like you can’t trust yourself? Work on trusting yourself.
Especially when it comes to people you’re going to allow into your life in such an intimate level.
Otherwise you get stuck trying so hard to make things work with someone who you have no business connecting with… ugh… mom can have him.
Bleeeeech…
